Tough Gayby Jack Marx, Photo by John Wallace (Ralph, January 1998) For Rugby League hard man Ian Roberts, coming out of
the closet Last year, the North Queensland Cowboys Rugby League super-forward and Australian representative stunned the stuffing out of every meat-and-two-veg Aussie household when he announced that he was gay. While many a footie fan was shocked, few were keen to slag the big fella — earlier this year, English magazine Total Sport voted Roberts fourth in their 10 Toughest Men Of Sport list, citing that coming out was bad enough, let alone in the bruising arena of Australian football. Here Ian talks exclusively to JACK MARX.
How much flak did you really cop when you came out? "Not much at all. There were some obvious difficulties but never from within Rugby League. Everyone was totally supportive Most of them had known for quite a while anyhow, so it wasn't a big deal to them. I've had some problems with people in clubs and so on but I think that's just this macho thing y'know: 'Oh. there's that big bloke, I'll score a few points by picking on him.'" Didn't you shit your pants at the idea of exposing yourself as gay? "No. Coming out was easier than keeping it hidden. I think everyone who's come out knows that. For so long you torture yourself, waste so much time and energy trying to keep your true self a secret, agonising over it. It's so stupid. Once I made the decision that I was going to declare myself to the world, it was easy — a total relief. It was just coming to that decision that was difficult. Being gay and not being able to tell anyone was misery and I'd go through the pain of coming out a million times before I'd go through that again." What made it so hard? "All your life you're told that you are evil and disgusting — by the media, by your parents. So that's what you end up perceiving yourself as: an evil and despicable human being. Like, I turned out to be the person my father always warned me about. Society tells you that gays are sick and twisted individuals, and that's what I was made to feel I was." Don't you ever look at a woman at a nightclub or something and think, 'Well, I wouldn't mind having a bit of a roll with her'? "Absolutely not. I'm just not sexually attracted to women. I can apprectate feminine beauty but I'm just not into girls sexually. I went out with a few before I came out but that was mostly for appearances' sake. Obviously, I had sex with women but I never got off on it. I just can't. Well, I mean, I could do it but I just didn't get off on it. I don't feel the same way as I do with men." Talking to you now, it's hard to perceive you as gay. You have a masculine way of speaking and... "But that's just stereotyping. The media says that gays all speak and act a certain way and it just isn't the case."
"I know what you mean but everyone does that. Everyone has different personas and they bring them out if they think it'll help them function better in a certain social group. Like, why is it that when you go down to the pub with your mates you swear and carry on, probably speak about women in a certain sexist way and then when you're at home with your mother you suddenly become the perfect son? Like, I have straight friends who, when they're around my gay friends,. mince it up and carry on like big queens. They just do it because it's a bit of a laugh and it makes them feel comfortable There's nothing wrong with that." Who do you think is the toughest player in the League? "At this level of competition — the level I have been lucky enough to play at — I don't think anyone is tougher than anyone else." But there must be moments when you see someone with the ball charging at you and you think, 'Shit, I wish it was someone other than this big bastard'? "No, really, that doesn't happen. I'm not trying to big-note myself but the fact is that there can't be any fear at this level of competition. To have reached this level you have to have gotten rid of fear altogether. Nobody is scared of anyone in first grade and that's a fact. You're aware of another player's capabilities but you can't be scared of him. There's no time to be scared. You've just got to do what you're conditioned to do." Are there any male movie stars who you wouldn't mind making, shall we say, a forward pass at? "I actually have changed the way I feel about that in the last 18 months. Since I met my partner I haven't been attracted to anyone else in that way. I used to be — like I was never a slut or anything — but I'd go out and see someone and think, 'Oh, he looks nice!' I don't feel that way anymore. I'm in a strong relationship. Someone like Brad Pitt, y'know.. I think he's a good-looking guy but I don't think of him in a sexual way anymore." Doesn't anyone give you a stiffy? "Well, I guess any gymnast at the Olympics..." Yes. The guys with the rings. "Yeah, they have the most incredible physiques. But more than just the physical side, I'm impressed by anyone who's determined. I find determination and drive very sexy in any person." Do you find women still make the odd play for you? "Oh, even more so since came out. When I go to clubs, women approach me in a sort of seductive way. It happens all the time. I think they see me as the guy who came out and said he was gay and for some reason they find that sexy. Or maybe it's a challenge — like, they want to be the one who's so sexually powerful that they put me back on the straight and narrow (laughs)."Well, Ian, I'm not sure what else to ask you... (Affecting a lisp) "My favourite colour, my thtar thine..." I know... have you ever had haemorrhoids? "Oh yeah. Now they're a deadset pain in the arse!" |
