A Man and His Match (by Jacqui Lang, New Weekly, 16 October 1995) Back to Articles He's tough, he's talented, he's in love and, for the frst time, he's really talking about his life with another man. Jacqui Lang reports Losing a rugby league grand final is enough to make a grown man weep, and Manly star Ian Roberts is no exception. "He couldn't stop crying when we went to a club after the game - I just didn't know how to comfort him," says Ian's lover Shane Goodwin. "He just kept telling me he loved me and asking me not to leave his side. I didn't." In fact, Shane has hardly left Ian's side since the two met and fell in love at a Sydney nightclub three and a half years ago. "Ian came up and spoke to me. We started seeing each other virtually straight away," says Shane, a sales consultant. "After about a month, I'd moved in with him." Now, for the first time - and exclusively to New Weekly- Ian and Shane have decided to speak about their romance. "I think it was fate that Ian and I came together, that's certainly what all my friends tell me," says Shane, a softly-spoken 22-year-old. It's a sentiment Ian shares: "Yes, from the beginning, I always knew it was special with Shane. From the outset I was very, very keen. Still am. The way I feel, I wouldn't swap Shane for anyone." What makes this story more remarkable is that 30-year-old Ian is Shane's first gay lover. "Before I started seeing Ian I'd been seeing a girl for a couple of years but I'd become confused," says Shane. "After meeting Ian, I had no doubts about anything anymore." Two years before their meeting, Ian and Shane had briefly spotted each other: Ian was playing a basketball game at a Sydney stadium which Shane was refereeing. "I remember looking over and thinking who is that big tall guy with the tight pants," laughs Shane. "I certainly wasn't attracted to him and I didn't give him another thought." Ian agrees: "Shane certainly meant nothing to me when I was at the game." But when Shane spied the football star at a gay bar, he wanted to approach him but felt a little shy. "I wanted to ask him if he remembered me from the basketball," says Shane. "But he had so many people wanting to talk to him - because he was this football hero - that I didn't feel comfortable. Then he came up to me." When Shane reminded Ian that the two had met before, "he couldn't believe it, but said he had never for- gotten seeing me at the game. He just didn't expect that person to be me. We just got on straight away. It was really instant." The two found they had plenty in common. Despite his slender build, Shane is a keen athlete who used to play basketball for NSW. "We started going out straight away. For about a month, while we were see- ing each other, I was living at home but staying at Ian's a lot. Eventually I moved in." In the years that the two have been in love, they've slowly allowed more and more outsiders to witness their relationship. First, Ian made the decision to take Shane with him to Manly club events and include him at parties with other spouses of players. It was the first time Ian, who's played professional league since he was 19, had taken a boyfriend behind the scenes into his macho football world. I've had relationships before Shane. One for three years, one for two. My companions would come to see my matches but I never brought them back to the club before Shane. With him, it wasn't that hard for me to do. It might have been hard for a few other people. But really, everyone's been cool to him at the club." Shane agrees. "All the Manly guys were really cool. They knew who I was from the outset. They were really nice and made me feel welcome. The women, too, were really friendly. Some of them would ask me outright about my relationship with Ian. That's cool. I've nothing to hide." Still, Shane admits, having not had a gay lover before, initially there were times when it felt strange to be seen out with Ian. "But all my friends are supportive," he says. "They're great. My mother has never spoken to me about being gay but, of course, she knows." Ian's parents, Jean and Ray, admit they had "quite a shock" when their football hero son sat down at the kitchen table one night and told them he was gay. "I think Ian was more frightened than we were," says Ray. Ian says it was "incredibly hard to tell them. Much harder than losing a match. The hardest thing I've ever had to do. It had taken me 20 years to fully comprehend this part of myself. I couldn't expect them to take it all in in five minutes." But as time wore on, the Roberts family coped with the news. "I hadn't had much exposure to matters to do with people being gay so of course it wasn't easy at first, but we managed, of course we did," says Ray. "He's our son. He'll always be our son, we love him and that's it," says Jean. "What do we think of Shane? Shane's just Shane. We like him." Jean and Ray admit there have been times when they're in the crowd at league matches and they've heard derogatory comments about their son's sexuality. "We ignore them. It's certainly never put us off watching a match. We're immensely proud of Ian and supportive of whatever he cares to do," they say. In recent months, most of Sydney has become aware that Ian is gay, following his decision to pose in (not only) blue magazine. "I've had so much support since then," says Ian. "Every day someone asks me about it all. I get strangers stopping me in the street and shaking my hand and thanking me for helping to change public perceptions about them or their gay children. It's immensely gratifying." But others are less supportive. Ian admits there are times when strangers slow their cars to hurl abuse at him in the street. Some people even spit at him. He shrugs. "It's really their problem if they want to have that attitude. It's my life and I've got nothing to hide." Ian says he hasn't chosen to become Australia's gay icon, though some see it that way. "I'm not trying to be political about it. It just seems to look that way sometimes because I get so much media attention." Ian's manager, Nick Karandonis, says Ian's coming out hasn't frightened his sponsors. "This year he's had more people knocking on his door than in the past 10 years. We've just signed him up with some big names: Telstra, Old Country, and Georgio Watches." Until now, Ian has felt protective towards Shane; not wanting him to have to endure the sort of media scrutiny Ian attracts. "I didn't want to have to bring Shane into it, even though he's not worried about it. Shane's actually more concerned for me in day-to-day living. But if it wasn't for Shane I wouldn't have been game to face all the scrutiny. I wouldn't have been able to cope." Now, more and more, the lovers are seen out in public. Last week, they sat together at the ARIA party. "I arrived later than Ian. He walked straight up and gave me a kiss in front of everyone, full on. It didn't bother me," says Shane, adding that all the media attention Ian gets means little to him. "To me he's not Ian the footballer. He's Ian my partner." Sometimes, though, Ian's fame has caused a few jealous moments for Shane "We'll be at a club and men just throw themselves at him. Everyone wants to be with him. I used to get very jealous but then I'd think, well, Ian chooses to be with me, not them, I've got nothing ts worry about. Now I think, let them go for it, they're wasting their time!" "As I say, I wouldn't swap Shane for anyone," says Ian. "I love his high energy level and his enthusiasm for life." As for Shane, he loves Ian's down-to-earth attitude. "He's so nice to everyone he meets. Strangers are forever asking him about football and so forth. He always takes time to listen to them. I've never seen him be nasty to people other than me, when we occasionally argue!" One thing Ian and Shane don't see eye to eye on is which one is the messiest. Shane says Ian's "terribly untidy. He'll do ridiculous things like put black shoes into the washing machine with white clothes. I get so annoyed! He makes a terrible mess. I call him Cyclone Roberts. He hurls his stuff on the floor and doesn't pick it up." Ian, of course, sees it differently: "I'm the tidy one. Shane's not. He's certainly the talkative one. It's like having a radio in the background!" The two work out at the gym together regularly. "Despite his much leaner build, aerobically, Shane is as fit as me," says Ian, who says he can't really pinpoint what it is he loves about Shane. "That's like asking someone what it is about chocolate you like. I don't know. Everything just seems to mix," he says. Shane agrees, admitting that he misses Ian when work keeps them apart. "Since I've met Ian I can't bear to be apart from him," he says. "When he went to England for a Kangaroo tour he was away seven weeks. We missed each other terribly. Finally, I couldn't wait any longer and I joined him and we travelled around Europe together. It was very romantic and it was great for Ian. He could be himself." The two lovers are about to enjoy another holiday in England together. "I expect to be with Ian forever. I truly love him," says Shane. "He's so romantic. And on the controversial topic of whether they'll one day adopt children: "I hope so. Ian loves kids. But we'll work all that out in the future." Shane's immediate priority is to help Ian snap out of the depression he's been in ever since Manly fell to the Bulldogs in the grand final. "I'd never seen him so upset. He was a disaster," says Shane. "When he was in tears he just kept telling me how much he loved me and I'd tell him how much I loved him. That will never change." Back to Articles