 |
two of usIan Roberts and Ray Robertsinterviewed by Stephen J. Lacey (Good Weekend, 9 Dec 2000) Ian Roberts, 35, played rugby league at all levels, including State of Origin and International, before retiring in 1999. In 1995, he came out as a gay man, the first Australian footballer to do so. He is part-owner of a sports memorabilia company and is studying drama. Ian's father, Ray Roberts, 60, is a retired plant supervisor. With his wife Jean he has three other children. |
|
Ian: Dad's very family-oriented, he's at his happiest when he's around his family. He comes from a really working-class cockney background, where blood is definitely thicker than water, And he'll stand by you until the end. Mum and Dad were £10 Poms [an assisted immigration program]. When he first arrived here in 1967, Dad wanted to turn around and go home; he hated the place. He ended up getting a job with ICI and that's the only company he ever worked for. That's typical of my dad... you start something, you finish it. His most annoying quality is that he's a bloody nag. He was always on at me about having solid foundations. That's why when I left school, I became an electrician. He spent his whole life planning for the day he retired. Now he has retired, he's starting to realise that not everything is about money... it's about living every day of your life. Dad and I are really, really close. We have been since I was a kid. I spent a lot of time with him. After school he'd take me to the park to throw a frisbee, or kick a ball around. [At football] he wasn't one of those idiot parents who scream at their kids from the sideline. As long as I was enjoying the game, he was happy. Most of the time we talk about sport. We never stop fighting. We've always disagreed about everything, especially politics. Dad was a bit of a racist... We'd also argue about the whole gay thing. He came from the old school, where everything was black and white and no grey. Now he's mellowed; he really believes that there should be allowances for gay couples... that they should have equal rights and they should be able to marry in some form. I was surprised how cool he was about it when I told him I was gay; it was my mum who freaked out.I was about 25 at the time. Dad said, 'Your mum's heard something at work today; we don't believe it, but we just want to hear you say it. Tell us you're not gay.' I said,. 'No, Dad, I am gay.' He went white as a sheet. Mum started screaming. Dad said, 'Shut up, Jean, and talk to your son!' I was upset, so I went out to the car, and Dad followed me. He gave me a hug and said, 'This is still your home, boy.' We didn't bring the subject up for a while, because Mum was still having a really difficult time accepting it. One day, Dad tried to have this safe-sex talk with me. I told him that I knew what I was doing, but I appreciated his concern. He was very inquisitive; he wanted to know all about it. He's met some of my friends, who are the most effeminate gays on Oxford Street, I think that me being gay has opened his world up. Back in England, he had a gay uncle, but it was never spoken about; that in itself is ignorance ... not speaking about it was a form of frigging prejudice. I think he's actually uncomfortable about the way he used to be.... I'm really proud of my dad ... For him to have changed his whole world view and become accepting and understanding is a big shift. Dad used to have all these sayings, like 'clothes don't make the man' and 'you can't judge a book by its cover'. . He'd throw them at us when we were kids. I bet he never thought they'd come back to bite him on the arse. If I could change anything about him, it would be that he looked after his health. I really wish he wouldn't. smoke, and I wish he'd exercise a bit more. He's just got to get up and do it. If anything happened to him, I'd miss him terribly ... it scares me sometimes. Ray: Ian was a typical boy; he'd
sit out in the backyard of our Maroubra house, collecting ants and putting. His first football season was with the Maroubra under-sixes. At first, he just sat at the end of the field, playing in the dirt. Towards the end of the season, he started to show some promise, and his team won the grand final. From that time on, we knew he had the makings of a good footballer. For 10 of the 11 years he was with the team, he was Club Champion. When Ian was still playing football, he used to go around to the hospitals to visit the kids. This one kid, Blakey, was just eight years old and had AIDS. Ian took a real shine to him. The saddest I've ever seen Ian was when Blakey died. We've got all of Jan's football gear, except for one jumper... that's the jumper that Blakey was buried in. Blakey's death really affected Ian; he had a bad football season that year. Even Ian was surprised he wasn't dropped from first grade. On the other hand, visiting those kids in the hospitals also made him the happiest I've ever seen him. He used to do a lot of work for Ronald McDonald House. Whenever he won Man of the Match, he'd give the cheques to a children's charity. He got a lot of pleasure out of that. We'd heard rumours that Ian was a homosexual, but when we asked. him, he'd deny it. I think he was frightened to tell us, because he was scared it would destroy us. I'm not going to pretend we were overjoyed when he eventually told us, but he was still our Ian. We met his first partner; I didn't like him at all... he was too effeminate. Ian was never like that himself, he was never bent-wristed. When I refer to Ian's lifestyle, I'm talking about what homosexuals do. Our normal is not their normal. Whatever it is they do, they're different from normal people. One of the proudest moments of my life was when he finally did come out... That took a hell of a lot of guts. I think he was just fed up with living a lie and he got to the stage where he didn't care what people thought about him. I'd go along to watch him at the football, and some of the crap I used to hear from the crowd made me very upset. I knew he had to retire from football, he was just getting too old for it.I hope he makes a success of the drama; he's a good actor ... he had.us all fooled for years. We argue about everything. That's what most of his friends could never understand. When they first meet us, they think we're forever fighting, but it's just the way we are. We talk about everything. Nothing is taboo. I just wish he'd told us earlier. It would have been easier for me, and for him. I suppose deep down I wish he wasn't homosexual. We were hoping for him to get married and give us some grandchildren. He's going to miss out on the whole family thing later on in life. On the other hand, if he wasn't the way he is, he probably wouldn't be the Ian I know and love. |
|