Twelve months with Ian Roberts
by John Burfitt (Outrage, August 1996)
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"So what's he really like?" If I had a dollar for every time I have been asked that question over the past twelve months, I wouldn't be writing this story. I would be lounging on the beach of a tropical Queensland island - my own. But, alas, no one paid up, they just asked and asked and asked.
The "he" they have been referring to is Ian Roberts, champion A-Grade Rugby League star, Australian representative, popular speaker, spokesperson for Puma and Telstra, model for Ella Bache and, oh yes, gay man and frequent visitor to the venues around Oxford Street.
I have worked with Ian over the past twelve months, co-writing his monthly exercise and fitness articles here in the pages of OutRage. As people learned of my connection with the 196cm League legend, there was an intense curiosity to what the man behind the broad shoulders and brooding I good looks was really like.
This curiosity is not that surprising when you consider the rise in his profile in that time, possibly the most controversial and dynamic of his 30 years and his 12- year career. In one twelve- month period, he has posed nude, been in the thick of the Super League controversy, been defeated in the 199S Grand Final, had numerous knee operations, run his own business and, by no means least, come out in the most spectacular of ways.
He even fronted up twice for some tough questioning from the panel on the ruggedly macho, but drag- loving, Sydney edition of The Footy Show walked away, smiling sweetly and to thunderous applause. And in the best Aussie tradition, he has been held up, and just as quickly cut down, as a tall poppy within the Sydney gay community. He has run the gamut from being golden boy to being criticised of doing too much, too little or doing it in the wrong place and at the wrong time.
With all of this happening, it is true Ian was on the verge of over- exposure. Curiosity about him, however, reached manic proportions when the infamous article appeared in flash-trash pages of The New Weekly last October, complete with the screaming headline "Meet the Man I Love." Suddenly, Ian Roberts was the best-known footballer in the country. He also became probably the best-known out gay man in the country as well.
Gay footballer? Those terms in the same sentence? Yes, it was true, surprising some, amazing others and being nothing new to many. There it was, in print, for all. This revelation was hardly out of the blue, as the issue had been seriously flirted with when Ian exposed almost all of himself (figuratively and literally) in the pages of a fashion magazine. He did manage, however, to keep both his privates and his private life out of public view - just. Now, 18 months later, the privates may still be snug behind his football shorts, but his private life has been through a thorough airing. Earlier this year, when he felt he was at the point of being over-exposed, Ian dropped out of sight and has kept his media profile to a bare minimum. Today Ian is sitting in the Sydney studio of photographer Skeet, sipping coffee and taking stock of the events of the past 12 months.
Most of the time, he seems philosophical, other times restrained, sometimes laughing and, on only a few topics, downright angry. While he is considered a charging machine on the football field, away from the game Ian is atypically polite, mild-mannered and even-tempered, his conversation liberally coloured with two of his favourite words, "mate" and "fuck." He uses the latter word most frequently when speaking of the roasting he has received from critics within the gay community, who have targeted him on more than one occasion.
"At the end of the day, the only satisfaction I can take is at least those dickheads know I have done something for the gay community," he says. "All those arseholes ever do is criticise and detract from it. They think they are on some fucking mission to make a point and be well-known. People lead their lives the best way they know how and yet you get these arseholes that run them down for doing so. Once you come out and are recognisable, you become a walking target. These people who criticise me, do they take the abuse I cop when I walk along the street?
"Do they get king hit in both Oxford Street and Circular Quay? Do they get spat on? Do they get bashed so badly they end up in hospital? I have and all because I was recognised as a poof. It is easy for these critics to have their say because no-one knows who they are and they blend in and can walk down the street without people recognising them.'~
On the topic of over-exposure, Ian says: "I was told I was not doing enough at one stage and then I was accused of doing too much. Then I was saying too little, then I was saying too much. The worst was when I didn't do it the way they thought it should have been done and the ways they thought everything should have been handled. I really wanted to say to these people, 'What do you want?"'
With his voice raised in anger, Ian asks, "Who the fuck are they, really, who the fuck are they?" Ian then wonders aloud as he speak of a columnist in a Sydney gay paper who has made repeated written attacks on him, "Has he ever copped a good hiding in his life? Might have sprained his ankle, the fucking maggot." Phew! Strong words and a point strongly made. With this off his chest, Ian relaxes back in the chair and takes a deep breath. It seems to be something he has wanted to say and say it for a long time.
One of the areas he attracted most criticism about was for his decision to "come out" and speak openly about his relationship with his boyfriend Shane Goodwin in The New Weekly. It was argued that he should have granted an interview to a gay publication and not to a women's mag. Something seemed out of place.
Indeed it was. After the his first interview, which frankly left little to the imagination of what side of the fence Ian slept on, he decided he would not speak about his private life or make a definitive statement on his sexuality until he finished writing his book, which is due for release next January. "If I was going to come out, I wanted it to be my way and in my own words. Unfortunately, it didn't end up that way."
The New Weekly, it seems, had plans of their own. "As far as I know, they had a story going and they asked me if I wanted to co-operate with them. I was supposed to get final approval of the story, so I agreed to it, believing I would have some control over it. I never got it, however, as my manager okayed the story without my consent."
This deal was worth several thousand dollars in Ian's pockets. Some argued, and many did, that Ian should not complain too loudly about the final outcome. The issue hit the stands early one Monday morning, featuring a smirking and open-shirted Ian with the screaming headline, "Meet the Man I Love."
Quotes featured throughout the story included, "He just kept telling me he loved and asking me not to leave his side. I didn't", "I think it was fate that Ian and I came together", and, best of all, "Shane says 'Ian's terribly untidy. He'll do ridiculous things like put black shoes into the washing machine with white clothes. I get so annoyed. He makes a terrible mess. I call him Cyclone Roberts."'
Ian makes no bones about how he feels about the way the story finally appeared. "What a load of shit that was. I was pissed off it was not the way I wanted it to be done. I thought the story was going to be just about me and that Shane was just going to be another subject. It really was not fair on him. It was written in a way that we were a match made in heaven, a gift from God. I don't even know any heterosexuals couples who are supposed to be that happy. All I could think was, 'Get Over It!'"
Ian was in England at the time, coaching the Western Samoan team's tour of Britain, so he escaped most of the immediate fallout about the story. "I didn't plan it that way, that is just the way it turned out. I would not have been bothered if I was here anyway. I didn't feel any different once it was all out. It was not like a load off my shoulders. I think, if anything, people reactions to me changed because it was so tacky, not for what I said about being gay."
As for the news creating any major scandal through the ranks of his fellow footballers, Ian says it was nothing new to any of them. "Most of them knew anyway. Those guys were all really supportive and closed ranks around me to defend me. In League circles, no-one ever gave me a rough time. I got a harder time off the gay press than anyone else.
"The stereotypes about League are so wrong. Underneath it all, it has a soft nature to it and an accepting one as well. Football is my life and I am as much a part of it as it is of me. That is the culture I have been mixing in for all of my life."
The big test, however, came when Ian agreed to appear on The Footy Show to speak about his coming out. He laughs as he recalls the night: "Many people thought I was the lamb to the slaughter, but those guys handled it really well and treated me with a great deal of respect. They were tasteful, but they had their jokes and it was nothing nasty. In fact, they were quite complimentary. There are some people who call you a poof and you laugh with them, while there are others who you just want to smack their heads in."
A not-too-surprising revelation Ian made during his TV appearance was that he knew he was not the only gay man playing professional rugby league. "You would be naive to think so," was his comment.
While he speaks of the support of his fellow players, Ian does confess that he was not always so comfortable about being upfront about the issue of his homosexuality in League circles. He began playing football professionally at age 18 and had a few girlfriends in that time, but admits he knew he was gay from an early age and began venturing from his Coogee home to Oxford Street as young as 15.
"I did feel isolated, and until the age of 25, I would try to blend in. Then again, I was always a bit 'out there' as a kid. In my early life, it was almost like I was always running and I didn't realise why until my life began coming together. I realised there were reasons why I had been a shit when I was growing up because I was always battling what was inside."
It is a different story these days and Ian says he has become more politically minded about gay issues and the rights of the individual. That said, Ian makes the startling comment that he is not proud to be gay. With pride being a catch-phrase of the gay community, a "please explain" demand is almost immediately made and Ian calmly clarifies his statement.
"I have never been proud of being gay, but I am not ashamed of it either. To me, it is not an issue. I am not proud to have brown hair or to be tall. It is just part of me. I keep saying that people lead their lives the best way they know how and I just try to do that. I am proud of my achievements in League as I have had to work for everyone of them, but I am the person I am and being gay is just the way I am. Not good, not bad, just me."
So, back to the game. This is where Super League begins to feature in Ian's story. He has been right there in the midst of it all as an outspoken player who has defended the rights of Super League and a player's right to choice. Ian began his first-grade League career playing for South Sydney, but has been with Manly for the past five years. In April 199S he signed with Super League to join the rebel legion of players in the Murdoch-backed football association.
After months of wrangling and bitter debate, during which time Ian and other Super League players were accused of being greedy, money-hungry and trying to destroy the game, the Federal Court eventually ruled any plans for a Super League could not proceed in Australia for at least another four years.
"They all say it is just a game, but it is not," Ian states bluntly. "It is a business for the administrators and the players. But I could not believe that people were having a go at the players because they took the money! If in any other employment situation someone is willing to offer you twice as much money to cross the road and play for them, who wouldn't do that? We were offered better money, better facilities, better conditions, the lot.
"Some people said it was about greed, but I will tell anyone who says that to me that anything I have got out of the game I have had to work for and in 10 years time when I am forgotten, no one else is going to carry around my injuries and pay for all the treatment I will continue to need for years in the future."
As for the claim that the rebel players were destroying the game, Ian shakes his head and replies: "Who owns the game of Rugby League? The fans do and they will always own it. Some people whinge and say that Manly is their team, yet they won't have been to see a game in five years or ventured out of their living-room to support their team. Then those same people have the guts to turn around and whinge about players wanting to set themselves up for life!
"Under Super League, League would have still been their game and they still could have supported their team. There was a lot of hysterical business going on, yet few people were listening to the facts. The fact is, the game had become stale. "
Relations between Ian and Manly soured over the Super League debate and the impending fallout of events. The situation is now before the courts over matters of breach of goodwill. It seems more than doubtful that Ian will return to play for Manly. He has been sidelined this entire season by a complicated series of knee reconstruction operations, and is now currently fielding offers from teams all over the country.
"I am desperate to get back on the field," he says. "I am a football player first and foremost." Not only does he miss playing the game, but he also believes, in the face of everything he has been through, it is crucial time to return to his origins, almost as if he has a point to prove. "I really feel I have to play again. I don't want people to think I am running away from it, that I came out and then quickly retired and hid away, like other people have. They become yesterday's news then and are forgotten. I don't want to be like that."
At this stage of his career and after more than a decade of bumps and bruises, Ian figures he has about three more years of playing in him. Beyond that, he is not too sure of what the future will hold. It is unlikely he will follow in the footsteps of many of his predecessors and don a suit and serious talking head for a job as a TV commentator. "I am just not comfortable with it," he shrugs.
Travelling the world seems to be top of the Roberts agenda, but he admits he is open to any possibility at this stage. After a moment's thought, he even admits he has become more politically minded about a number of gay-rights issues. "I don't know if that will lead anywhere, but we'll see." But life ahead is not totally being left in the laps of the gods. Ian has been working over the past two years in setting up his own sporting memorabilia company, Blazed In Glory, which offers such collectors items as limited edition
What began as a charity enterprise has turned into a successful business and business is booming. "There is a good market out there and we have just taken the business to the next stage as we paid off all our licenses."
For a real insight into what really makes Ian Roberts ticks, he promises all will be revealed in his book, which is still in search of a title. He began work on it just before Christmas and spends three days every week working with a writer to get the entire story into shape. It has proved to be something of a cathartic experience. Not only has it been important for Ian to tell his side of the story on many issues, but reflecting on the past has also been like a form of therapy for him.
"It is amazing when you stop and look back at your life and realise what you have done. The past 12 years of my sporting career have been the most amazing journey, but I never really stopped to enjoy it as I was too worried about what was happening in life or stressed out about playing well in the next game. But I guess if I hadn't made mistakes and if everything had gone my way, maybe I would be some closeted poof somewhere. You really have to take a few hard knocks to realise there are more important thing in life."
Read all about it next January. It is sure to be on the lists of essential Mardi Gras and Midsumma reading.
Having worked with Ian for twelve months, I guess that I, like his football mates, have become somewhat protective of him, prepared to defend him from the garbage that I have read and heard from those who, frankly, should be a little better informed before mouthing off. No matter what they say about Ian, one thing you could never call him is unprofessional. Never once during an interview or a photos session has he put on a star-turn or become too precious about himself or his image - a refreshing attitude compared to many others with a celebrity profile.
If he sounds like a saint, he's not. He would be the first to admit he has a bucket-load of faults and maybe has not put his foot in the right place every time. But at least he has taken the steps and maybe has set a precedent for the next time someone in the public eye decides to out themselves. See if you don't cheer him on just a little more earnestly the next time you see him run on the field!