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TOM TEEPEN: Get thee behind me, Great Pumpkin


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TOM TEEPEN: Get thee behind me, Great Pumpkin
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(c) 1995 Copyright The News and Observer Publishing Co.
(c) 1995 Cox News Service

(Oct 16, 1995 - 16:48 EDT) I have good news: we're getting on top of the
Halloween menace. Oh, sure, too slowly. There are still, brothers and
sisters, school districts that keep the door cracked open for the devil by
letting their tykes parade around as witches, ghosts and demons.

There are still schools where those handmaidens of Satan, the grade-school
teachers, pervert the minds of young children by surrounding them in their
classrooms with pictures of black cats and leering jack-o'-lanterns.

But every year when this evil holiday rolls around, more schools put the
devil behind them and take the pledge against Halloween.

The latest -- though not this year's only -- is Los Altos, California, where
Halloween has been chased from the classrooms.

Christian fundamentalists, as is usually so in these matters, led the way by
insisting that the school board investigate.

It did and came to the sobering conclusion that Halloween goes back to the
Druids. And whatever else you may say of the Druids, you have to admit they
were not Christians. Indeed, that was pretty much the point.

So, proclaimeth board president Phil Faillace, "We're returning values to
the schools."

Hallelujah.

Now, many of us have been under the naive impression that Halloween and its
trappings are a harmless affair, innocent of real evil and more playful that
frightful.

Which, it turns out, is just how the devil works his clever wiles.

Halloween, it seems, is part of a vast satanic conspiracy that means to
install the cackling reign of Old Scratch over a godless nation, the last
step before the triumph of the ultimate plan -- the establishment of the New
World Order under that most diabolical of all human institutions, the United
Nations.

And you thought those were just squealing little kids marauding the school
hallways in their pirate patches, Bo Peep skirts and Mighty Morphin Power
Ranger outfits.

You thought they were no worse than part-time scamps and imps, more baby fat
than ectoplasm, but the alert parents of Los Altos saw through brimstone
smokescreen and pegged them as the shock troops of Hell's own legions.

Schaumburg, Illinois, schools scrapped Halloween because, as one parent put
it, otherwise children would "slowly become desensitized to the occult."

So that's it. Batman as a fourth-grader; sorcerer as an adult.

All this is of a piece with campaigns to chase Satan from school libraries.
Kiddie frights come right after any hint of sex education in the bookshelf
purges.

People for the American Way, which keeps the ledgers on this sort of thing,
says of the 10 books most harassed in school libraries last year, three were
the "Scary Stories" anthologies by Alvin Schwartz and a fourth was
"Halloween ABC" by Eve Merriam.

But wait.

Weren't the parents and preachers who are out to suppress Halloween
themselves exposed to Halloween's malign influence as kids? If Halloween
works black magic on impressionable children, then could it be that the
effort to drive Halloween out of the schools is actually a plot to ...

Hmmm. There could be wheels within wheels here.



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