Fortune Favours The Bold

Something that comes up from time to time is the odd belief, that many young men seem to harbour, that the other guy should approach them.

This turns up when people talk about cruising guys in bars, at sex clubs and at saunas. Guys complain that they must be unattractive because the guys they look at never come up and speak to them. Asian boys often complain that Caucasian guys won’t approach them (this is often attributed to racism, but that’s another column in itself).

Guys tell me this and I invariably ask: “So do you ever approach the other guy?” Often as not the answer is no. I really can’t help pointing out that the likelihood is, based on my lengthy anthropological studies of the issue, that the other guy is thinking exactly the same thing.

The consequence, of course, is the awful situation in many venues of many guys walking around and no-one talking to anyone. This is even more common in more reserved places like my old hometown, Brisbane, than it is here in overly-forward Sydney, but even here it’s a plague.

Everyone could be having a lot more fun if they adopted one of my current favourite principles, “Fortune favours the bold”. Face it, the main reason we don’t approach the other guy is a simple lack of courage: the fear that he’ll say No. But what’s worse? To get turned down occasionally or to miss the endless opportunities you fail to notice because you’re frightened of getting turned down?

The facts of rejection are that it’s really not so bad, especially if it’s balanced with a few successes. Getting rejected doesn’t mean you’re worthless, just that you aren’t his type (types and the attractiveness hierarchy are another topic for another day). The more you face up to it and shrug when it happens, the easier it gets.

So, next time you’re cruising some guy at a sauna and you’ve walked past twice and exchanged looks, loitered meaningfully for a few minutes and he hasn’t approached you – instead of assuming that he’s not really interested, assume that he’s even shyer than you and march on up, smile your most winning smile and say “Hi”. You may be pleasantly surprised.

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