Ethics, Character and Relationships
Had lunch with Cool Guy yesterday. He’s attached and feels a little strange that we’ve caught up without his boyfriend’s knowledge. While we both clearly want to jump each other at any opportunity, and neither of us has any interest beyond sex (he’s passionately devoted to his man, I’m devoted to bachelorhood), he wants, and I’ve agreed to wait until he comes to some arrangement with his boyf. Mr Levi, a friend who I lunch regularly with has been pondering the ethics of having sex with someone when you know they’re in an exclusive relationship. He says he’s increasingly eschewing the party line among gay men that it’s the other guy’s problem: if he’s made the agreement, he should be sticking to it. There’s an ethical choice here, he says, if we say that we value long-term relationships, why do we so often devalue them by having sex with “married” men? In light of those conversations, I found yesterday’s lunch and conversation somewhat inspiring. Cool Guy’s determination to act in accordance with his words struck me as an act with a lot of character. I also had to admit that a younger, less aware version of me (perhaps even a recent one who hadn’t been chatting to Levi) would probably have just seduced him and excused myself. Instead, we had a great conversation about our lives and beliefs, shared a passionate hug and went off into our respective days.
Tags: Queer